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Thursday, December 10, 2009

What We Didn't Do in 2009

The Smurthwaite Christmas cards are going out over the next few days and, while I've never been one to send out the annual summation of familial highlights, this year I did mention on the back of the card that people could find out more about us by going to this very blog. So here are some things to know did not happen to the Smurthwaites this year:
  1. Sammy and Noah did not empty an entire 25 lb. bag of flour on the kitchen floor on New Year's (see top left picture above)
  2. Noah did not exhibit any symptoms of OMS
  3. Dave and Marisa did not end up last in their categories in their first ever Olympic triathlon (second to last is so far away from being last)
  4. Dave and Marisa did not have any more children
  5. Noah, Sammy, and Oliver did not spend any time in the Emergency Room (although Marisa did)
  6. Dave and Marisa did not visit 190 of the world's countries
  7. Dave and Marisa did not miss the boys terribly while traveling
  8. Noah, Sammy, and Oliver did not miss their traveling parents
  9. Dave did not almost drink a pint of Guinness, no matter what you might hear from others
  10. Marisa did not manage to stop becoming more beautiful with each passing day
  11. Noah did not even come close to passing his annual eye exam
  12. We did not move to Hawaii, no matter what Noah says
  13. Due to an unexpected email notification, Marisa did not manage to surprise Dave with a birthday trip to Washington DC 
  14. You, most likely, did not even make it to the end of this list and that's okay
We do, however, wish you all a very Merry Christmas and the best New Year imaginable.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Voila the inspiration behind this blog

In the past ten days, our boys Noah and Sam have caught a nasty bug. It's not tied to swine or foul, equine, or even Velociraptor. In fact its origins are somewhat of a mystery. Having consulted the finest  journals, I've determined the medical term for the condition must be yourenotcomingtomybirthdaypartyitis (Latin: yourenotcomingtomybirthdaypartitia). Yourenotcomingtomybirthdaypartyitis can occur in children of all ages, although it seems that three and five-year-olds are most susceptible. Symptoms include, but are not limited to:
  • Red face
  • Grimacing
  • Growling
  • Huffing and/or Puffing
  • Gnashing of teeth
  • And (most notably) sudden outbursts of the phrase "You're not coming to my birthday party!" Most disturbingly, flare-ups typically occur months away from the child's next birthday party, leaving parents flummoxed while attempting to maintain a current invite list.
I figure Noah and Sam must be in the throes of this unforgiving maladie because at least eleven times a day an unmistakable "You're not coming to my birthday party!" comes from one of their petit yet potent lips. Tell them to clean their room and "You're not coming to my birthday party!" Ask them to eat their corn and "You're not coming to my birthday party!" Today was especially worrisome as at dinner I was informed that our cat Sasha almost bit our dog Benny and thus, you guessed it, was not coming to either of their birthday parties.

The best way to combat yourenotcomingtomybirthdaypartyitis is to confuse the infected child by responding randomly to their uninvited demands. For example, this morning I asked Noah to cross the street with me while walking Sam to school. A normal request, I thought, given that he would otherwise be smooshed by an oncoming wall of traffic. With "You're not coming to my birthday party!" busting forth, I informed him that I was in charge of his birthday party this year and would no longer be ordering dancing llamas. A lie? Perhaps, but by his perplexed stare I could tell that Noah was indeed reconsidering his disinvitation. And that, my friends, is what you call a medical breakthrough.